Been there, herd that.

So you know how it feels when you're somewhere just because somebody felt like going, and you ended up tagging along because you have nothing better -- or nothing period -- to do?

Well, I think I've been doing that quite often lately. And frankly, it hasn't been working out all so well for me. I am always feeling like I am only physically there, and my mind is elsewhere. Event tonight, while the crowd was good-looking and the joint was groovy, I felt out of place, and a couple of people asked me why I was so off or why I seemed like I am looking for something.
"I don't know.. looking for something?? well when I find it, I will let you know."

This thing has been working out all that well for me. I feel like I am losing money .. like last night's poker game. I was so not in the mood of being there. I was not in the game, and I had no game. I end up losing 50 bucks. For nothing. So I should probably stop following the herd and start doing things my way.

Like tonight. I was standing there barely pretending I was happy. Then at some point, I just walked towards the door. Focused to leave.. kept walking, got out of the joint and walked back home in 20 minutes. The best case of determination to do whatever I feel like doing myself in a while.

I am tired. Again. I need to find a way to stay on top of my duties, have fun and not be tired. I am not optimal, and I waste a lot of time...
On the other hand, I love this city. Chicago is a wonderful and lively place. Not too crowded for my taste and pretty vibrant to give you a big-city-life feeling altogether. I like its balance. Not so thrilled that I only got time to shop online... would have loved having a grocery store next door, but hey, you can't have it all.

Most of all, I am loving my school and my class is not that bad. I had worse in my previous school. Strangely enough though, I always have to deal with a different tar every time I move to a new place.. school.. or whatever. I don't know why. But I have to deal with it and I usually am.

Life goes on ever so normally. I have to work harder and more efficiently if I want to keep advancing towards my career goal.

* balance and focus *